Mental Health

Hiding your crazy? Why you may be hurting yourself and others.

In the last few years I’ve had numerous people tell me how brave I am. How they are so thankful for my transparency. People will stop me in Walmart and tell me how they relate so strongly with me.

I’m not trying to toot my own horn, I swear. I’m just trying to make a point.

My sister in law shared this with me and it made me giggle.

This is definitely me. I’m an avid oversharer, and more times than not it isn’t intentional.

But I’m going to tell you when it became a decision to over share my life’s happenings and why.

A few years ago I was struggling. I had hit my rock bottom. I was battling depression and severe anxiety. I would have intrusive thoughts that would spiral me into a panic attack.

I had recently learned of my husband’s (very well hidden) addiction and affair. I had two kids on the boob and two big kids who needed me what seemed like non stop.

I had this idea of motherhood in my head and how it was supposed to go. What is was supposed to look like. And in my mind I was failing.

I let that eat at me.

I didn’t confide in anyone.

I never told people what I was going through or how I felt like a failure.

I thought because my house was a mess and my big kids were eating chips for breakfast again that no one would relate and people would judge me.

I secluded myself and then wallowed in that pity of being alone and having no one to talk to.

After lots of prayer and finding a doctor who helped me, I started on the uphill battle of breaking out of that dying hole I had dug for myself.

I was diagnosed with OCD and put on the proper medications to handle the intrusive thoughts and off the wall assumptions. That was life changing in it’s own right, but I’m gonna tell you where my breakthrough was.

After a few weeks on my new meds, the heaviness of what everyone else thought about me lifted.

I decided it was time to break out the realness and pray that someone could relate. So I made a Facebook post with this picture.

Showing me in the morning, on a horrible day vs me with my “mask” at the end of that day.

I was overwhelmed by the love I was shown. The messages from people saying “me too”. I’m sure there were screenshots taken, and not so kind words said too.

But I had several people reach out and ask where I started with getting the help that I needed.

That’s when I realized that someone, even just one person, needed me and my truth, my story, and my testimony to help them get out of their own hole.

If you follow me on Facebook, you know me.

You know the real me.

All of my flaws. My messy house. My indescretions. My mental state. My chaos.

You know it all.

Because I have chosen to share that part of me publicly.

I didn’t just get to that bad place because of secluding myself. I got there because I based my life and worth on other people’s Facebook lives.

The ones who aren’t real. Who only show you their best face and Pinterest wins. The ones who have the perfect family photos but have never shared their marriage woes.

I was in the wrong for putting so much weight into people’s social media lives that it brought me down. I’m not saying you should blast every personal, intimate detail of your life on social media, but I am saying to be real with people who mean the most to you. Because I wasn’t. I posted the best pictures on the worst days to make myself feel better. I hid my mess well (I thought).

Just try to take into consideration that your trials could be what lead someone else to redemption and restoration in their life.

I’ll be honest, there are still days that I feel defeated. Like I’ve overshared and someone is going to judge me. But I’m thankful to be in a place where that doesn’t overcome me. I realize that in what I’m doing by sharing my chaotic day, is helping someone else relate and not feel defeated.

My passion is helping others, and that may not be your thing.

And that’s ok.

But know that when you “hide your crazy”, as my mom’s favorite necklace says, you may be hurting or hindering others.

Or you may be hurting yourself because you feel alone in whatever you’re dealing with by not sharing with someone out of fear of judgment.

Whether you’re hiding your crazy and content with it, or you’re in that hole, feeling like you’re the only person with crazy, you are NOT alone.

Someone out there is dealing with the same thing you are.

Someone needs to hear your story.

I promise, you’ll feel much better.

If you’re reading this and need someone, I can be that someone.

I will listen with no judgment. I will help to the best of my ability to steer you in the right direction. I’ll share my own mess with you. I will pray for you everyday.

Reach out.

Take off that mask, and be your true “crazy” self.

3 thoughts on “Hiding your crazy? Why you may be hurting yourself and others.”

  1. I am so excited I found your blog!! Your meme cracks me up; I have bipolar disorder, so I often claim “the mania” is taking over when I’m super chatty about all things mental illness etc. Can’t wait to hear more of what you have to say 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

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